Moose Elk vs The Maulers

 

Moose and Elk vs The Maulers

By

Mangler

Miller: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to tonight's main event. For those who follow us, you know that this match is a consequence of the cage match between Team Hunter and Team Bear last week. It features Moose and Elk, from Team Bear, versus The Maulers, who are instrumental in helping Team Hunter win when they literally pulled Elk out of the ring and neutralized him in the audience. And they were not even participants in the match. Needless to say, Elk was livid and demanded a match against his captures, The Maulers. Elk’s Team Bear partner, Moose is also on a path of revenge and has agreed to help Elk with his cousins. Yeah, you heard that correctly.  The Maulers are Elk’s cousins.  Thanksgiving should be interesting this year.  Aaahh, here comes the new commissioner of the league.

Wrestlebard: Miller. You still work here?

Miller: Err, unless you know something I don't.

Wrestlebard: (chuckling). Nope, you are good for now.

Miller: Well, this should be an intense bout tonight. There is no love lost between the two teams, especially Elk and The Maulers. Not surprising considering what The Maulers did to Elk.

Wrestlebard: What? Kept him company when he decided to abandon his teammates and sit in the audience?

Miller: Abandoned? He was literally pulled out of the ring, stripped, and taped to a chair. Not to mention The Maulers, err, well, mauled his groin.

Wrestlebard: I was AT that match, and what you just said is incorrect. You need to be unbiased in your reporting. I can tell you this match almost didn't happen.

Miller: Why?

Wrestlebard: I felt, for the good of the league, that I needed to suspend Moose and Elk for their actions.

Miller: Their actions? What actions would those be?

Wrestlebard: Well, they both stripped to their jockstraps during the match in the auditorium in front of everybody. Totally inappropriate.

Miller: They don't strip; they are forcibly stripped!

Wrestlebard: Again, people, not the truth. And then Moose has the audacity to expose himself while Elk is doing inappropriate things with another wrestler.

Miller: Expose himself?  His opponents exposed him and attacked his balls. What the heck? You were there; you know what actually happened.

Wrestlebard: Watch your language, Miller.  I just informed you what happened. But Moose and Elk elected to pay a hefty fine, so I agreed to allow this match to happen. I just hope Moose and Elk behave, and I don’t regret my approval.

Miller: Good to see you've kept your perverted sense of what happens around here.

Wrestlebard: Thank you. I'm going to stay on the mike, as I know the audience really likes it when I do.

Miller: Still delusional, I see. The ref is waiting in the ring.  And it is the same newbie ref from last week's cage match.  Hope he can keep his impartiality.

The Ref

Wrestlebard:  I have no doubt that he will. He is an experienced guy.

Miller:  He is a relative newbie.  He didn’t acquit himself well during the previous match.  I mean, he even got involved in the match, helping to abuse Bear.

Wrestlebard:  I had a long talk with him about the match, and he indicated he felt he had no choice.  Plus, Bear had been bullying and abusing him in the locker rooms.

Miller:  Even if true, which I seriously doubt, you don’t get involved in a match you are refereeing. 

Wrestlebard: He was doing what he is supposed to – protecting the wrestlers in the ring.  Besides, it had no effect on the outcome. The match was a DQ, so the wrestlers could do as they pleased, and when it came time, he counted Bear out.  You aren’t saying that Bear was not properly pinned?

Miller:  Of course, I’m not, but…

Wrestlebard:  Good, so you agree, he can be a fair ref.

 

Miller:  Sigh.  And here is the music for our first team, Moose and Elk. They weigh a combined 400 pounds.  Moose, wearing the orange trunks, is 5’ 10” tall, while in the red trunks, Elk is 6’.  Both look very intense, especially Elk.

   

                                     Moose 

   

                                       Elk

Wrestlebard:  Elk is probably hoping to make out with the Maulers again.  I mean, his antics last time were disgusting. The wrestling league is no place for that type of activity.

The two wrestlers walk down the aisle toward the ring to the cheers and words of encouragement from the crowd.  They are being urged to teach the Maulers a lesson.  By and large, they are focused on the ring, but they briefly acknowledge the support of the crowd.

Miller:  And coming out now are their opponents, at a combined weight of 360 and wearing dark green singlets, The Maulers.  They are also about 5’10.  With the same height, weight, and wrestling gear, it is impossible to tell them apart.

The Maulers

Wrestlebard:  I have no doubt they will not abuse that fact. And our Ref is eagle-eyed and good, and will be able to tell them apart.

Miller:  Our ref is a relative newbie.  As I said earlier, he didn’t acquit himself well in the previous match. 

Wrestlebard:  And again, I had a long talk with him, heard his side of the story, and believe he did what he felt he needed to do.  He will be fine tonight and call it as he sees it. 

Miller:  With the wrestlers in the middle of the ring talking with the ref, you can cut the tension with a knife.  I mean, Elk looks like he’s ready to maul the hell out of the Maulers.  And the Maulers are acting very nonchalant about the whole thing.  The ref does a very credible foreign body check.  Seriously, the Maulers offer their hands for a shake.  Moose and Elk ignore them as they back into their corner, not taking their eyes off them.

The two teams retreat to their corners after the conference with the ref.

Wrestlebard: Excuse me a moment, Miller. Commissioner duties call.

Miller: My color commentator has left the desk and is approaching the ring.  What is he up to? He is yelling at Moose and Elk.

"I expect you two to remember this is a family venue and keep your damned clothes on."

"What the fuck are you…" Moose begins but is interrupted when a knee impacts his lower back and forces him into the corner, where he slams his chest into the top turnbuckle.

Elk doesn't fare any better as the other Mauler grabs him by the back of the head, charges him across the ring, and tosses him over the top rope. As soon as he flies over the rope, the ref signals for the match to begin.

Miller: The commissioner distracts the two of them, and the Maulers take advantage even though the bell hadn't rung, but it has now. In this new league, I guess you should never turn your back on your opponents.

The Mauler grabs Moose around the waist, lifts him in the air, steps back, and delivers a suplex to the mat. The other Mauler is standing by and delivers a series of stomps to the abs. Both Maulers pull Moose to his feet and send him into the ropes. He rebounds into a double clothesline.

"Only one of you in the ring," the ref says.

"Well, who is the legal one?" The Maulers ask.

"I don't know, but one of you has to leave."

The Maulers each grab an ankle and pull Moose over to their corner before one delivers another stomp to the abs and then exits the ring. Elk has regained his feet and slides under the bottom rope into the ring. Unfortunately, he is not near his corner, so the ref is immediately in his face, demanding that he leave the ring.

Elk is trying to explain that he is just trying to get into position, but in reality, he is only distracting the ref. The Maulers pull Moose to his feet and push him into the corner. The Mauler on the ring apron wraps his hands around Moose's throat and begins choking him. The Mauler in the ring delivers fists and knees into Moose's abs.

Miller: The Maulers are taking advantage of Elk distracting the ref, even inadvertently. We haven't seen The Maulers wrestle before, but they seem to be functioning as a well-oiled tag team. My announcing partner is back. Well, are you happy?

Wrestlebard: Of course, I just have to let them know what is not acceptable in this league.

Miller: You got them jumped from behind.

Wrestlebard: I did no such thing. They obviously don't have true ring sense. I mean, turning your back on your opponent is a rookie mistake.  As is Elk engaging the ref, allowing The Maulers free rein.

"He's about to turn," the exterior Mauler tells his partner, who responds by stepping closer and driving a knee into Moose's balls. Spittle flies from Moose's mouth as he drops his hands to his groin and bends over. The Mauler in the ring traps his head under his arm before he tags his partner, then drops back in a DDT, driving Moose's head into the mat.  The ref turns in time to see the tag.

The other Mauler enters the ring, and they both pick Moose up, raise him over their heads, and release him. As he drops down, the Maulers kneel and extend a knee. The result is Moose's abs impacting their knee. Again, an "umpp" can be heard from him. His opponents remove their knee and Moose drops to the mat. One Mauler rolls him over while the other drops a knee into the abs. Quickly, they begin alternating kneedrops into the abs.

"Come on, ref, get one of them out of there," Elk screams at the ref.

The ref looks over to make sure Elk is still outside the ring before walking over.

"Okay, one of you out of the ring."

"Which one?" one Mauler asks while they continue alternating drops.

"Well, I'm the legal one," The Mauler says as he drops another knee.

"No, I'm the legal one," the other says as he drops a knee.

"Do your fucking job, ref," Elk screams in frustration.

The ref looks over and stares at him, while The Maulers continue with knees.

Miller: For some reason, the ref looks peeved with Elk.

Wrestlebard: He keeps telling the ref how to do his job. Nobody likes that, especially as the ref is doing an excellent job.

Miller: Glad you seem to think so.

The ref finally turns, points at one of The Maulers, and says, "You, out."

"Fine, fine," he says, driving a stomp into the abs before exiting the ring.

The Mauler drags Moose to his feet, spins him around, and applies an abdominal stretch.

"Looks like your partner's abs are failing him," The Mauler, running his hands over them, taunts Elk.

"It'll take more than that," Elk responds.

"I don't know, they feel a little soft to me," the Mauler says as he sinks his fingers into the abs in a claw. "Of course, they weren't much to begin with."

"Come on, Moose, you can do this," Elk responds when he sees Moose straining to break the hold. Seeing that he is making some progress, he shouts further encouragement. "You've got this. You can…." He shouts before he slips off the apron and slams his chin into the ring edge.

While Elk had been focused on the action in the ring, the other Mauler had slipped from the apron, snuck around the ring, and pulled Elk from the apron. Elk staggers back from the blow. The Mauler drives a fist into the abs, bending Elk's upper body forward. The Mauler grabs the back of the head and assists the forehead in slamming into the post.

Miller: Elk lost track of the other Mauler and is now paying the price.

Wrestlebard:  Like I said, a series of rookie mistakes.  No wonder they lost to Team Hunter last week.

Miller: Yeah, that’s the reason.  Had nothing to do with nefarious tactics.

In the ring, The Mauler reaches out and grabs the rope to increase the pressure on the stretch. He does this directly in front of the ref.

"Break the hold," the ref demanded.

"Why?"

"Because you are using the ropes."

"And that's not allowed?"

"No, now break the hold."

"Make me."

The ref begins his 5 count, and when he reaches 4, the Mauler releases the rope and the stretch, causing Moose to stagger to stay upright.

While the inside Mauler is keeping the ref's attention, the outside Mauler continues his mauling of Elk. He grabs him, lifts him up, and delivers an over-the-knee backbreaker. He pulls him up and drives his lower back into the ring edge. He finishes up by utilizing a DDT, leaving Elk lying stunned outside the ring. He returns to his side of the ring, hops on the apron, and tags his partner.

Elk stunned

The Mauler leaps over the top rope as his partner grabs a staggering Moose and whips him back-first into his own corner. Unfortunately, for Moose, Elk is not there to make a tag. Instead, his abs are compressed, and his spine is forced backward from the force of the legal Mauler's shoulder slamming into them. He is grabbed and slung across the ring, only to receive a running spear from the other Mauler, who failed to exit the ring after the tag. He lands on Moose as he is slammed to the mat, expelling what little air his opponent has from his lungs.

The ref yells at him to exit the ring, and he does so by rolling under the ropes and dropping to the floor. He lands near Elk, who is slowly shaking his head and trying to clear the cobwebs. The Mauler "assists" him by pulling him up and slamming his forehead into the crowd control barriers twice before clotheslining him to the floor. The ref is yelling at him to get back to his corner, so the Mauler salutes the ref and does so, leaving Elk lying out on the floor.  He drives a final stomp into the abs as he walks away.

With the ref occupied with the outside Mauler, the one in the ring drops his ass onto Moose's stomach, wraps his hands around Moose's throat, and begins choking him. Moose already has little air in his lungs and has been taking deep breaths, but now those are denied him. He flings around wildly but is unable to free himself. He starts to see stars, and his struggle slows. As the ref turns back to the action, the Mauler releases the choke and stands up. He drives two stomps down into the abs.

He yanks Moose to his feet, which is quite difficult as Moose is almost unconscious. Once he has him standing, he reaches out and tags his partner. He pushes Moose's abs against the ropes, stands between his legs, places his palms on the thighs, and begins to deadlift Moose. Out on the apron, the now legal Mauler, places his hands on the pecs and deadlifts Moose. In a matter of seconds, they have Moose lifted high over their heads.

As the ref begins his count, they hold on until the count of four, at which time they both release Moose, whose abs come crashing down on the top rope, folding him in half. The Mauler in the ring grabs his ankles and pulls them upward, forcing Moses' body over the rope and crashing down to the floor.

The ref steps in front of the Mauler in the ring and demands that he exit, since he is no longer the legal man. The Mauler argues. Outside the ring, the Mauler grabs Moose's ankles, lifts them, and drops a knee into the crotch. He pulls Moose to his feet, turns him toward the ring, gets behind him, and charges forward, forcing Moose to slam against the ring edge -- abs first. Moose doubles over with his chest lying on the ring apron.

The inside Mauler exits to the ring apron and begins driving stomps down onto Moose's back until the ref forces him away. The outside Mauler slides back into the ring, grabs Moose by the wrists, and pulls him to the center. He rolls him to his back and drops a fist deep into the abs. He ignores the ref's warning as he places his two hands side by side centered around Moose's belly button, forces his fingers deep into the muscles, and squeezes, locking on a powerful double abs claw. Moose stamps his feet with the pain.

Moose In Agony

The Mauler keeps the claw hold and squeezes for all he is worth.  You can tell it is affecting Moose, as he brings his hands down, trying to pry them loose, but it has no effect.  The Mauler lifts his hands upward, without releasing the hold, causing Moose to Arch his back, before he slams Moose back to the mat.  The Mauler releases one hand and reaches out to tag his partner.

The Mauler’s hands are about an inch apart, so the outside Mauler steps on the bottom rope to close the gap, and their hands touch.  The ref signals the tag even though he can see the Mauler standing on the rope.  The outside Mauler leaps to the rope before doing a Swanton and landing on Moose, further winding him.  The inside Mauler looks over and sees Elk struggling back to the ring apron.  He fakes charging in that direction but instead returns to the apron in his corner.

The Mauler maneuvers Moose around until he is locked into a guillotine hold, stretching his already abused abs.  Mauler occasional drives a close fist into the gut.

“Come on, Ref, that is a closed first,” Elk complains from the corner.

“The hand was partially open,” the ref responds.

“That’s crap, and you know it.”  The ref chooses to ignore him.  The Mauler smiles as he continues to drive fists into the belly.  Elk is becoming irate.

The Mauler releases the hold and gets to his feet, dragging Moose with him.  He slings him into the ropes and prepares for a back drop. Although having taken quite a beating, Moose’s long experience in the ring kicks in, and he reflexively grabs the ropes with his arms and kicks out his feet, knocking the Mauler backward.  He rolls along the ropes toward his corner for a tag.

Seeing what is happening, the outside Mauler enters the ring, making sure the ref sees him.  Moose and Elk make the tag, and Moose drops to his knees.  Elk leaps over the top rope and begins raining punches down on the legal Mauler.  The illegal Mauler turns the ref so that he sees Elk in the ring.

“Illegal man in the ring,” the Mauler complains to the ref.  Seeing Elk, the ref immediately turns and grabs him around the waist, pulling him off his opponent.

“What the hell?” Elk demands.

“You are in the ring illegally.”

“Out of the Ring”

“But we tagged.”

“I didn’t see or hear a tag, so get out.”

“I can’t help it your incompetent.  We made a damned tag.”

“I didn’t SEE it, so out now, before I disqualify you.”

Elk and the ref continue to struggle as Elk pleads his case while the ref tries to push him out of the ring.  The legal Mauler goes over to Moose, grabs him by the head, slams his forehead into the bottom turnbuckle, and jerks back, slamming his head to the mat.  The illegal Mauler had rolled outside the ring, so that when Moose slams to his back, he is able to reach in, grab both ankles, and pull, crotching Moose into the ring post in his own corner. 

Miller:  Elk needs to get his emotions under control and stop distracting the ref.  I mean The Mauler crotched Moose in his own damned corner.

Wrestlebard:  Poetic justice, I think.

Moose Crotched

Moose screams with the move.  While the ref finagles Elk back to his corner and out of the ring, the legal Mauler grabs both wrists and pulls Moose to a neutral corner.

“I'm the legal man,” Elk tries one more time.

“No, you’re not.  Exit the ring NOW or get DQ’d,” the ref shouts.

Elk crawls between the top and middle ring ropes with obvious disgust.  He is so intent on yelling at the ref that he doesn’t notice the other Mauler standing near the crowd behind his corner. The ref turns to the action in the ring, and Elk turns back to check on Moose when a pair of hands lock around his thighs, jerk him upward, and slam him backward in a suplex.  The Mauler stands, stomps into the abs before returning to his corner, laughing and preening to a highly disapproving crowd. 

The legal Mauler positions Moose so that he is partially under the ropes.  He goes between his legs, grabs both thighs, and leans backward, propelling Moose’s upper body upward, where his throat impacts the bottom rope.  He leans back, holding him there until the ref walks over from Elk’s corner and demands he break the hold, which surprisingly he does. 

He pulls Moose into the center of the ring, turns him to his stomach with his head facing the Mauler’s corner.  He grabs both ankles, bends them at the knee, squats, and locks the legs under his pits.  He leans back, locking on the Boston Crab.  He stretches as much as he can.  Moose moans and slaps the mat.  He reaches for the ropes, but is a long way away.

The Mauler looks directly at Elk, and when the ref is out of position, he reaches down and gently rubs Moose’s ball before delivering a hard slap.  Moose yelps and Elk yells about the low bow.

Miller:  Ooh, looks like the Mauler is mocking Elk with a low blow.

Wrestlebard:  What match are you watching?  He slapped him on the upper thigh.

Miller:  Right

The Mauler leans further back, increasing the stretch on the abs.  Moose’s abs are on fire, and he swears he can feel them pulling apart.  The Mauler suddenly drops the crab, spins around, and Locks on a Camel Clutch.

“How are those worthless abs feeling, pussy boy?  You think because you have all those muscles, you’re a man.  Well, you're obviously wrong.  I mean, we're both smaller than you, but we're wiping the mat with you,” the Mauler laughs.

“Fuck you,” Moose manages to gasp.

“Let me in,” the outside Mauler says.

“Sure,” is the response as he releases the hold, stands, and tags his partner.

As they are trading places, the exiting Mauler says to his brother, “I think the appetizer is down, and now it is time for the main course.”

“I agree.” 

He walks over to Moose, pulls him to his feet, and wraps his hand around the back of Moose’s head. He marches Moose around the ring, "showing him off" to the crowd while denigrating Moose as a wrestler and as a man. The crowd shows its displeasure by booing and screaming. A couple of times, he moves Moose close to his partner's outstretch hand, only to pull him back. On his next turn, Moose and Elk's hands manage to meet. The ref sees the tag and signals that a tag has been made.

As Elk pulls his hand back and bends to step between the first and second ropes, the Mauler quickly spins Moose around and charges him into his corner, slamming his head into Elk's. Elk is knocked backward and drops off the apron, while the Mauler suplexes Moose to the mat. The ref is screaming that Elk is the legal man.

Miller: What is the Mauler doing?

Wrestlebard: He is trying to keep Moose from stripping off his trunks like he did last week. Look at that, disgusting.  In spite of The Mauler’s attempts, Moose has removed his trunks, so he is only in his jockstrap. 

Miller: More like Mauler has stripped him.

Wrestlebard: Hogwash. I've warned Moose this is not acceptable behavior; now I have to suspend him.  Excuse me.

Miller:  It is the middle of the match.

Once Mauler has the trunks off, he tosses them to his partner, who hangs them on the ring post. The ref is protesting Mauler's action, but it isn't like he has violated a wrestling rule. Mauler pulls Moose to his feet, picks him up overhead, walks to the edge of the ring, and tosses him over the top rope, where he impacts Elk, who is just standing, forcing him back to the floor. Moose rolls over and is moaning.

The Mauler exits the ring, pulls Elk to his feet, and runs him headfirst into the ring post. He forces him back under the rope and into the ring.

Miller: Wrestlebard has waved at two security people to follow him. What is he doing? Security has lifted Moose to his feet, and Wrestlebard is having them escort him out of the ring. Moose is trying to resist, but Wrestlebard is in his face and forcing him out.

Wrestlebard: Sorry, Miller, but I can't have that in this league. If he isn't properly dressed, he can't stay in the match.

Miller: But that means Elk has to fight two people.

Wrestlebard: Well, he can bitch to Moose about his exhibitionist habits. He is the reason it is now a two-on-one.

The Mauler re-enters the ring, pulls Elk to his feet, drives a fist into the abs, and slings Elk across the ring and back-first into the Mauler's corner. He charges in, leaps, and lands full body against Elk, driving him further into the corner. He steps back and begins punching into the abs. The ref gets between him and Elk and forces him back toward the center of the ring. As soon as the ref gets between them, the outside Mauler grabs Moose's trunks from the ring post, wraps them around Elk's throat, and begins pulling back. Elk's hands fly up to his throat, and he begins thrashing about.

The outside Mauler keeps a close eye on the action in the ring, and when the ref starts to turn back, he removes the trunks from the neck, and Elk slumps down to the mat sitting in the corner. The inside Mauler walks over, places his foot on Elk's neck, and begins pressing down. When the ref demands that he break the hold, the Mauler reaches out and tags his partner, who enters the ring.

Once the new Mauler is in the ring, the other one removes his foot from the throat and steps outside the ring. The new Mauler places his foot in the same place and begins pushing. Once again, the ref demands a break. The Maulers tag and change places rapidly, each time choking Elk until he turns purple.

Finally, one of The Maulers pulls Elk to his feet, turns him backward, places his arm between the legs, and lifts Elk up onto his shoulder for a back breaker. He places one hand over Elk's mouth and, with the other, grabs Elk's balls. He makes sure to keep turning to keep the ref confused as to what is happening, especially by not letting him see the ball grab. The pain from his balls helps to reanimate Elk, although he is still having difficulty breathing.

"Move the hand off the mouth," the ref demands.

"Sure, sure. Sorry, didn't realize it was there," he says to the ref. He waits a couple of seconds before he removes it.

He also releases the balls. He reaches over and tags his partner, who leaps over the ropes to enter the ring. The Mauler power-lifts Elk over his head, then twists him and drops him, abs-first, across his partner's extended knee. He slips out of the ring. The in-ring Mauler pulls Elk to his feet and throws him back into their corner. He follows him in before delivering a chop across the pecs. The sound can be heard echoing throughout the arena.

He continues chopping until he stops, turns facing Elk, reaches out, and locks a hand into each armpit and clamps down on a double pec claw. He steps backward, pulling Elk out of the corner so that he doesn't have to break the hold. He lifts up so that Elk is standing on his toes as he squeezes as hard as he can. He holds the hold for a while, then, demonstrating his athleticism, lifts Elk off his feet, rotates to the right, and slams him down to the mat all without releasing the claw. He ends up sitting on Elk's abs as he squeezes.

"One, two…" the ref begins as Elk's shoulders are on the mat. He lifts the right shoulder just before the three-count. The Mauler drops the claw, drives a fist into the solar plexus, before rolling Elk over and placing his hands under the chin and pulling up, locking him into a Camel Clutch. He pulls back as far as possible to pressure not only the back but also the pecs.

The Mauler drops the clutch and pulls Elk to his knees and bends him backward over his own knee.  He traps the head under his left armpit and pulls back hard, trapping Elk in a Dragon Sleeper.  As soon as he has the sleeper applied, he begins slamming fists down into the pecs of Elk.

The Mauler outside the ring starts to enter, drawing the ref’s attention, who goes over to get him out of the ring.  The Mauler argues and distracts the ref.  The other Mauler continues to rain punches down into the pecs.  At one point, he extends his thumb through his fingers to increase the effectiveness.  When Elk nears passing out, the Mauler drops the sleeper, and Elk falls to the mat.  The illegal Mauler finally exits the ring.

Miller:  The Maulers are functioning as an efficient tag team, especially since this is a two-on-one situation.  Wait a minute, who is that?

An individual dressed in a pink polo and jeans comes through the curtain and walks toward the Mauler’s corner.  He stops about 2/3 of the way down.  He pulls out a pair of boxing gloves and takes something from his pocket, placing it in a pouch on the side of the glove that strikes a man. 

Miller:  That looks like Gunn from Team Hunter, and it appears that he is loading up a pair of boxing gloves.  What does he have in mind?

Wrestlebard:  Just coming out to watch the match.  You’ll have to excuse me for a minute; some league business needs attention.

Wrestlebard gets up from the announcer's table and exits the arena.  He turns and peers out through the curtain so he can time his return.

The Mauler pulls Elk up and tosses him between the first and second ropes and onto the floor.  The outside Mauler picks him up and pushes him back-first into the corner ringpost. He extends both arms backward into the ring under the bottom rope.  The inside Mauler grabs the wrists, braces his foot on the ringpost, and pulls backward, stretching out Elk’s pecs.

The ref starts to berate the Mauler for his actions, but he is suddenly spun around by the other Mauler, who has entered the ring.  He and the ref get into a loud verbal altercation, ignoring the other Mauler’s actions.

Training Time

Gunn jogs down to the ring, takes a boxer's stance, and begins throwing punches with the loaded gloves into the pecs of Elk.  With each punch, a loud sound can be heard, and sweat can be seen flying around the gloves.   In a matter of a few punches, both pecs are red and mildly abraded.  Elk screams with each punch, but the Mangler keeps the ref occupied.  This continues until Gunn notices the ref starting to turn back. He delivers one final punch to each pec before turning and jogging back up the aisle.

Miller: The Commissioner has returned.  You have to do something about that.

Wrestlebard:  About what?

Miller: The outside interference from Gunn.

Wrestlebard:  I don’t see Gunn anywhere, and I don’t see the ref calling for the bell, so you must be hallucinating again.

When the ref turns, he moves back over the Mauler and initiates a five-count to break the hold.  When the Mauler releases the hold, Elk pulls his arms forward and places them across his chest as he drops to his knees, a look of pain on his face.  Suddenly, he falls sideways to the floor, as the Mauler, who had exited the ring, drives a knee to the side of the head.

He pulls Elk up, slams a chop across the pecs, and then pushes Elk back into the ring, where the other Mauler quickly drags him to the middle of the ring, sits on his abs, and applies a double pec claw.  He smirks as he can feel the destruction wrought on the abused pecs.

“Wow, these are as soft as a baby's bottom.  Not the pecs of a real man,” he mocks as Elk grimaces in pain.

“Hey, let me have some fun,” the Maulers partner calls out.

“Sure, sure,” he says as he reaches over and tags him.  He pulls Elk to his feet and locks on a full nelson.  The Mauler enters the ring and begins a series of brutal chops across the chest.  The strength of each blow pushes Elk and his opponent backward.  The ref starts demanding that the illegal man leave the ring, but does not start a 5-count.  After about 10 chops, the full nelson is dropped, and the illegal man exits the ring. 

The legal Mauler picks Elk up and delivers a body slam before he begins slamming stomps into the pecs.  Elks attempts to roll out of the ring, but the Mauler on the apron gets in the way.  The Mauler reaches down and pulls Elk into the ring near his corner.  He tags his partner, who leaps to the top rope and drops down with a frog smash.  He then tags out, and the other Mauler does the same.  Each Mauler delivers 5 smashes apiece.  Elk barely responds after about six smashes.

Just before the Maulers cover Elk for the pin, the curtain opens, and Gunn walks through, followed by Arrow. They are both dressed in pink polos and blue jeans. The crowd boos loudly for the two, and the boos increase when they realize that Arrow has a jockstrap-clad Moose hanging over his shoulder. They march down to the ring and drop Moose on the mats just outside the ring. He is very groggy and just lies there.

Miller: Well, that is totally unnecessary. You're the commissioner; you should do something about it.

Wrestlebard: I absolutely will. I specifically warned Moose about inappropriate attire earlier in the match, and he now returns. And he has the audacity to return still dressed like that. Oh, I will definitely address this with him. 

“I guess he doesn’t wish to play anymore,” One Mauler says.

“Yeah, I guess so,” the other replies.  “Too bad we could have so much fun.”

“We can still have a little fun,” the first Mauler says as he reaches down and unties Elk's trunks.  The two Maulers quickly remove them, ignoring Elk’s feeble attempt to stop them, leaving Elk in just his jockstrap.

Wrestlebard:  What the Hell?  Now Elk is stripping in the ring.  Again, how very inappropriate.  If that is the type of action they want, they should head over to the Redneck Arena and not do that stuff in a respectable league like ours.

Miller:  It used to be respectable…

Wrestlebard:  And still is.

The legal Mauler grabs Elk by the chin and turns his head. 

“It has been fun, cuz, and I can’t wait for the next time.  Showing you how worthless you are is always a lot of fun.  And I’m sure the family will appreciate knowing what a fucking wuss you are.”

The two Maulers drop across the chest of a non-moving Elk. They are using their combined weight to keep Elk from moving.  A very unnecessary tactic, but the ref chooses to ignore.  The ref drops to the mat and counts "One, two, three."

The bell rings, and the ref raises the hands of the two Maulers as the winners of the match. Elk, in only his wrestling boots and jockstrap, is lying prone in the middle of the ring. Moose is lying on the floor outside the ring. Again, in just his boots and jockstrap.  The crowd is booing, shouting obscenities at the winners, and complaining to the commissioner.

Miller: Well, the Maulers win definitively while ignoring the rules.

Wrestlebard: Evidently, they ref didn't think so since he did not disqualify them. Alex, you are going to have to be more non-biased in your job.

Moose tries to sit up, but Arrow slams a kick into the chest, knocking him to his back. Gunn reaches under the rope and pulls Elk out of the ring, dropping him to the floor next to his partner.

Miller: This isn't necessary.

Wrestlebard: Sure, it is. They are being good people and taking out the trash.

Gunn and Arrow slide into the ring.

Miller: They are raising the Maulers' hands. I guess showing solidarity between Team Hunter and them.

Wrestlebard: Or maybe not.

Gunn and Arrow drop each of the Mauler's hands and extend their hands for a handshake. The Maulers each take one of the hands. Suddenly, Gunn and Arrow yank the Maulers toward them, at the same time bringing their knees up into the balls. A loud oomph is heard from each Mauler, and they drop their hands to their groins and bend slightly forward. Gunn and Arrow each turn and place a Mauler head under their armpits. They take several steps across the ring before dropping down in a bulldog, driving the foreheads into the mats.  They roll the Maulers over and place them in the center of the ring while standing over them.

Arrow/Gunn Lay Out the Maulers

The two wrestlers give the Maulers the middle fingers before exiting the ring.

Miller: A falling out among the heels?

Wrestlebard: Nah, just reminding everybody who the big dogs are. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go discipline Moose and Elk for blatantly ignoring my rules and taking off their trunks.

Miller: He lives in his own little universe. Unfortunately, he is the league's commissioner, so we have to live there too.

Fellow wrestlers have come out to assist Moose and Elk to the back. As they are about halfway up the aisle, Gunn and Arrow exit the ring. When they walk by the two wrestlers, they give a wolf whistle at the exposed asses and a hard slap across them. They laugh as they walk to the back.

Miller: Well, that is it for tonight. An exhilarating card for you. We hope you will join us next week for another exciting card. This is Alex Miller, signing off.