Redneck Arena's Christmas

 

{With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and fans of Christmas Carols.}

Redneck Arena Christmas

After the last match at the Christmas eve event, the crowd was preparing to leave when the lights went way down and Christmas music began to play over the speakers.  This was replaced by a deep throaty voice:

‘Twas the Show Before Christmas.
by The Mangler

'Twas the show before Christmas, when all through the arena.
Many a creature was stirring, especially in the ringa.

The trunks were hung by the turnbuckle with care,.
While in the ropes the jobbers were tied there.

The fans had left their beds,
while visions of naked faces danced in their heads.

And the ref in his stripes, and I in my chaps,
had just settled our cocks awaiting the upcoming slaps.

When out in the ring there arose such a scream,.
I sprang from my seat to see what was causing me to cream.

Away to the fence I flew like a flash,.
Pushed past the others to get there in time for the bash.

While the sweat on the chest of the new-fallen jobber,.
gave testament to the effect of the clobber,
what to my wondering eyes should appear?.
but the Commish at the height of his career.

With a little shiver, so lively and quick,.
I knew in a moment it must be The Dick.

More rapid than eagles, his heels they came,.
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

"Now Basher! Now Puncher!.
Now, Lancer and Dickson!.
On, Vomit! On, Stupid!.
On, Dishoner and Hits In!.
To the top of the ring!.
To the top of the ropes!

Now is not the time to be tame,.
The Balls are fair game,.
Now Bash away! Bash away!.
Bash away all!"

 

Suddenly a spotlight went on highlighting the entrance to the cage.  The door opened and out walked the league’s refs, led by Jeff, Jake and Taylor and followed by the other refs.  There was some laughter in the audience as each of the refs where dressed in ref stripped speedos and ref stripped short halter tops, so short that the nipples were exposed.  Each ref was also wearing a pair of Christmas antlers on their heads.  As the crowd laughed, the refs gave them a “I know I look ridiculous right” smile – and a double one figure salute.  They entered the ring and stood in the middle.

The searchlight returned to the cage entrance and out walked B&B.  They were dressed in Christmas themed leather wrestling trunks.  However, the hoots and hollers from the crowd were for what followed them.  Each twin was holding a leash, decorated with flashing lights, which ended at the collar around the neck of either Bruce or Jon.  Both Bruce and Jon were completely naked with Christmas ribbons tied around their private parts.  Both seemed amazingly nonplussed by the entire thing, but were not happy to be back where it all began.

This entourage was then followed in quick succession by the other wrestlers of the Redneck Arena decked out in festive Christmas wrestling gear.    The crowd favorites were in attendance including, Alex, Tim, The Choirboy (in white with red poinsettias), Samson and Skull in Christmas Leathers (with Skull being led in on a leash), Dan, wearing a very skimpy red thong and accompanied by Brice and Chad, who were wearing matching green thongs.  They were followed by Todd and Brett (see Bodybuilder’s Destruction).  Todd and Brett where shooting daggers at each other.  Many of the audience members had heard rumors of a possible rematch happening in the near future.  Other jobbers and heels where in attendance as well.

As the wrestlers climbed into the ring, they formed a circle so that there were wrestlers positioned facing each side of the ring with the rest in the middle.  Bruce and Jon were made to kneel, spread their legs and lock their hands behind their heads while Brett and Bart just smirked.

The Christmas music changed to the that of Joy to the World.  Jake and the other refs stepped forward and began the singing with the wrestlers joining in.

Joy to the Ring

Joy to the Ring, the Ref is come;.
Let the ring receive her king;.
Let every wrestler prepare him room,
And faces and heels sing,.
And faces and heels sing,.
And faces, and faces and heels sing.

Joy to the Ring, the Referee reigns;.
Let men their hands employ;.
With chokes and flips,.
Head locks and slams.
Repeat the screaming joy,.
Repeat the screaming joy,.
Repeat, repeat the screaming joy.

No more let heels and cheats grow,.
Nor blows beat the balls;.
He comes to make his rules grow.
For as the heel is leashed,.
For as the heel is leashed,.
For as, for as the heel is leashed.

He rules the ring with threats and rules,.
And makes the wrestlers prove.
The righteousness of their moves,.
And wonders of his word,.
And wonders of his word,.
And wonders, wonders of his word.

As the singing ended, all of the refs took a bow.  The crowd laughed and applauded.  As the song ended, Jake and the refs stepped back into the group and Dan stepped forward as the music changed to Hark the Herald Angles Sings:

Hark the Wrestlers Sing

Hark! The herald faces sing,
"Glory to the newborn Rules”
Peace in the ring and mercy mild,
Faces and heels reconciled.".

Joyful, all ye wrestlers rise,
Join the triumph in the cries,
With th’angelic host proclaim:
"The ref is born in the ring.".

Hark! The herald faces sing,
"Glory to the newborn Rules!".
Ref by highest heav'n adored,
Ref the everlasting word!.

Late in time behold him run,
Offspring of a twisted mind.
Dressed in stripes the audience sees,
Hail the incarnate Enforcer,
Pleased as man with man to dwell,
Ref, who yells..

Hark! The herald faces sing,
"Glory to enforcing the rules!".
Hail the Ref of rules!
Hail the ref of rightness!
Rules and order is all he brings.
Stern he lays his rules by
Born that man no more may cheat,
Born to raise the men of wrestling,
Born to give them second chances.
Hark! The herald wrestlers sing,
"Glory to the newborn match!"

The crowd responded with hoots and hollers to this diddy.  As it ended, Dan stepped back to be replaced by The Choirboy.  The music to Deck the Halls began:

Deck the Halls

Deck the halls with trunks of jobbers,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..
Tis the season to be slaughtered,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..

Remove we now their wrestling apparel,.
Fa la la, la la la, la la la..
Bash the nude ones sterile, .
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing cocks before us,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..
Strike the balls and join the cusses..
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me in merry torment,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..
While I tell of ringside lament,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la
.
Fast away the useless jocks,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..
Hail the new, naked cocks,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Sing we joyous, heels together,.
Fa la la la la, la la la la..
Heedless of the jobbber’s nethers.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

As he was singing, the Choirboy had gone over and tapped Jon in the cock and balls, (as the song merited) with his foot.  These were “gentle” taps, at least for him.  Finally, he stepped back and the twins stepped forward.  The music for We Wish You a merry Christmas began.

We Wish You A Merry Beating.
We wish you a merry Beating,.
We wish you a merry Beating,.
We wish you a merry Beating,.
And a Happy Ball Bash.
Good pummeling, we bring for you before a pin   ;.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash

Now bring us some jobber boys,.
Now bring us some jobber boys,.
Now bring us some jobber boys,.
And a cup of good beer!.
Good pummeling, we bring for you before a pin;.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash!.

We won't go until we slap some.
We won't go until we punch some.
We won't go until we hit some.
So, bring them out here!.
Good pummeling, we bring for you before a pin;.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash

We all like our victims naked,.
We all like our victims naked,.
We all like our victims naked,.
With all their hard fear..
Good pummeling, we bring for you before a pin;.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash!

We wish you a merry Beating.
We wish you a merry Beating.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash!.
And a Happy Ball Bash!.
Good pummeling, we bring for you with a grin;.
We wish you a merry Beating.
And a Happy Ball Bash

During this song, the heels sang with gusto and vigor, while the faces simply went through the motions.  This was noted by the commish.  The crowd was very raucous during this particular song and gave it a very rousing ovation.

After the song ended, several things happened as the wrestlers were getting ready to leave the ring or as they were leaving the ring.  Barry and Brad, each pulled out a pair of shorts which Bruce and Jon had to put on.  They were loose fitting and covered the privates.  B&B then removed the collars and sent Bruce and Jon on their way.  Their time was finally up and they were free. Bruce left no time exiting the arena.  Jon, left the ring, turned back toward the ring and gave a small nod to B&B, which confused the hell out of them.

B&B exited the ring and walked over to the commish.  Brad and Barry said almost at the same time, “Hey, I want Dan “the destroyer” in a match.”

Brad said “I get him first.”

Barry responded “Fuck that, I get him first.”

The commish just smiled and said “Calm down.  I’ll see what I can do.  One of you will be happy.”

Brad and Barry just shrugged, threw their arms over each other’s shoulders and headed toward the back while singing “We Wish You a Merry Beating”.

In the ring, Todd and Brett got chest to chest, face to face and crotch to crotch.  Todd stated “Okay jackass you got lucky last time.  I want a rematch.” He then pushed Brett back.

Brett reached up and gently slapped Todd on the check and replied, “anytime sweetie.”

Todd growled and started to raise his fist when Jeff stepped between them.  “Save it for the ring boys.”

Their glared at each other before leaving the ring.

Jeff and the other refs looked around to make sure no other outbreaks were happening.  While they would just as soon get the hell out of there, the commish made it very clear they were to keep the peace.

Tim turned to walk out of the ring.  His path brought him by Alex so he turned and leaned in.

“We are almost done with our feud, but we still have a little unfinished business,” Tim whispered as he then reached in and gave a light kiss to Alex on the lips. This startled Alex, as Tim was straight.

“Anytime big man.  But how about one on one next time?”  Alex replied.

“We’ll see,” Tim replied as he tapped Alex on the balls and then dropped down and rolled under the ring ropes.

Tim was quickly replaced by the Choirboy who had a most evil look on his face.  He reached out and gently took hold of each of Alex’s tits and begin to gently squeeze.  “We aren’t even close to being done jerkwad.  I can’t wait to get your ass in the ring, out of the ring, wherever.”

Alex just smiled and jerked his knee up in between Choirboy’s legs.  It wasn’t a full-strength knee, but it got the Choirboy’s attention as he dropped his hands.  “You got it ‘buddy’.  But next time I won’t be so gentle.”

The Choirboy started toward Alex, but Jeff and the other refs walked over to make sure nothing happened.  Choirboy smirked and said “Okay, okay, not now. No beef here boys. Oh, Jake you should stop by the locker room.  I’ve got something for you to take care off.”  He reached down and grabbed his package.  Jake turned red and had to be held back by the other refs.  The Choirboy just laughed and exited the ring.

Brice and Chad had started to leave the ring with Dan, but Dan took a detour until he was standing in front of Skull.  He pushed his finger into Skull’s chest.  “I want your ass in the ring,” he challenged Skull.

Both Sampson and Skull laughed then Skull responded, “After your debut, it is obvious that you can’t handle me in or out of the ring, dude.  But I will be more than happy to beat your ass for you.”

“Let’s book it then,” Dan said.

Brice and Chad pulled Dan away.  “I don’t think you are ready for him,” Chad stated.  Dan turned and looked at him and Brice and said, “well then get me ready.”

“Challenge accepted,” said Brice, who then slapped Dan on the ass and winked.

Samson laughed and responded by pulling Skull to him with the leash and locking on a major kiss and tongue fucking.

Jake just looked over and said “Go to the lockeroom boys.”

Samson just winked at Jake and as he walked by, reached down to give a gentle squeeze to Jake’s package.  “Too bad you’re straight.  I bet you could show us a really good time.”  He winked and then left the ring. Jake blushed.

The wrestlers headed to the locker rooms, changed and then exited out the back as the Redneck Arena ring emptied out.  The crowd was leaving in a buzz and they were thinking and talking about all the possible action to come in the new year.

The commish was smiling and singing to himself as he walked back toward his office.  It had been a good year and lots of matches coming up for the new year.  He just needed to decide how he could “spice them up” as he knew his audience demanded.

As he walked into his office, his chair was turned to the window and he heard a voice emanating from behind it.

“You and I have a little unfinished business.  And I want to get it settled.”

The commish replied, with just a little hitch in his voice, “then let’s do it.”

From the Mangler

A big thank you to everyone who has come and enjoyed the site this year.  Hopefully you found something you liked.  If not, leave me an e-mail about what you would like and I may make it happen.  So, while 2020 was the year the Mangler returned, it will be remembered for something far more evil than even him.  I hope I have been able to distract you just a little bit from time to time.  And may 2021 get better!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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